Sometimes I wonder, if only I’m single right now, I would be doing like tons of things just to please myself in life. Seriously. I’m not saying that I regret being in a relationship but, sometimes it gets hard. Like I can’t even hang out with my friends and stuff. I’m not sure if it’s a lack of trust or maybe I’m being controlled by my boyfriend? Just for the sake of not letting other people see me maybe? I don’t know. One thing about not going out with my friends is that I fear that one day, they won’t be able to understand the state of condition that I’m having when I’m in a relationship with my boyfriend, and they won’t have the effort to ask me out again? Something like that. :-\ I fear that the most because, if that happens, I’m gonna be this lonely bitch who has no friends. I mean, I’m not asking for it to happen or anything, I’m just saying how fearful I am. Anyways, to be honest it’s a beautiful feeling being a relationship and you can always count on that one person who you know will always be there for you, but the thing is, when it comes to friends, things get rough. “No”. The word “no” is said often that you’re already used to hearing it when asking if you can go out with your friends. And actually it is alright to go out with your friends, you have the rights to make your own decision. Because he hasn’t have the whole you right? Like in my case, he just, have the whole me and I’m not able to do anything about it. Because it’s hard. I tried convincing him that nothing will happened, it’s just us girls, there won’t be any hobo’s or perverts, won’t be any pedo’s. Even by asking the question, I knew the word “yes”, won’t even be said. Maybe it doesn’t exist anymore? I always share this things with my best friend and I kinda feel bad because, I knew she couldn’t do anything about it but advise me and all. No matter how much I love my friends to really wanna go out with them even just for a day, it might seem easy to ask, but it’s actually hard. I’m such a weak person, I can never fight back. Maybe one day? Who knows?
Oh my God I’m so tired. I have school tomorrow but, gah might be skipping school. School during the holidays? Bitch please it’s the HOLIDAYS. There aren’t school during the HOLIDAYS goddamnit stupid Girlie.
